Ariana Morales Zempoaltecatl

ENGL 11000

Professor Carr

October 13, 2021

Sexual Violence: Without Consent

Sexual Violence is a serious social justice issue, and it tends to come with long term trauma. The term “sexual violence” is an all- encompassing, non-legal term that refers to crimes like sexual assault, rape, and sexual abuse” (RAINN 2021). Sexual Violence can happen to anyone male or female and can also happen with intimate relationships, family members, friends, and so on. It can be traumatizing because it can scar people mentally and emotionally. Some include but not limited to are shame, guilt, self- harm, lack of trust, feeling unsafe, and PTSD. Sexual assault survivors tend to have trouble opening about it because they don’t want to remember the events that took place. The main issue with Sexual Violence is not the effects people get from it, it’s the abuser’s actions. The cause of the abuser’s actions is the effect of what happens to these victims of sexual assault. Us protestors try to spread awareness of this huge social issue, but it never stops. It seems to not work so I believe that we should try to teach everyone not to touch anybody without their consent and make sure of it.

Let’s get into depth about why people commit these types of crimes. These experts on finding out more about sexual assault go on and explain some myths and why these people commonly men commit Sexual Violence. Dr. Malamuth has noticed that repeat offenders often tell similar stories of rejection in high school and of looking on as “jocks and the football players got all of the attractive women” (Murphy). These guys that have committed sexual assault feel the need to do it because they haven’t gotten what they wanted from these women, so they proceed to take what they want. It makes sense because when you tell a guy no at times they understand and at time men do get angry. These guys who rape don’t feel remorse because they felt like they didn’t do anything wrong. According to the article it says “…getting back at these women, having power over them, seems to have become a source of arousal” (Murphy). Since men felt rejected, they felt the need to take something for themselves since they think that’s how it’s supposed to be. These men who rape feel no remorse especially if they claim that it wasn’t rape. They felt like a big guy since they believe that they are stronger than us women that they commit crimes such as Sexual Violence. This really makes sense to me because it combines with my own personal story of Sexual Violence.

            It was March 19, 2021, I was 17 when I was assaulted. It happened with my ex-boyfriend someone who I trusted a lot. Since that day I never trusted easily again. For context we were long distance I lived in Brooklyn New York, and he lived in New Brunswick New Jersey so we would barely see each other. We knew each other since the 6^th grade and at the time of my assault we were in our senior year of high school. Once day we planned so that I can go to New Jersey to go see him because I wanted to spend time with him. He picked me up from Penn station and from there we went together to New Jersey. We got to New Brunswick and headed to go eat something and picked up a few things to make while we were at his place. I went into his house, and I didn’t see his mother, but I did see his little sister and his cousins. We went to his room where there is the only space we cannot be interrupted by his family. We were watching an anime named My Hero Academia while I was sitting at his desk, and he was sitting next to me. He started to touch my inner thigh; at the time I didn’t think much of it. I told him that I didn’t want to do anything since we recently started dating. He didn’t exactly agree all he said was “Okay”. I went to lay on his bed with no intentions just to relax since the chair was uncomfortable. 

While lying on his bed I started to play a game that I used to play Call of Duty Mobile. I layed on bed not doing anything intentional just playing my game. He comes on top of me and that’s when it started. I was still playing my game not thinking much and he pulled down my shorts and panties that I had on, and he forced himself onto me. I was shocked I didn’t know what to say I just stood there. It all felt so unreal it reminded me of those times I watched Law & Order: Special Victims Unit when the victim said they froze. I completely understood what the victim meant right there. I remember is face it disgusted me and remember him telling me “You like that huh”. I looked away and while this was happening one of my favorite songs was playing. He had the nerve to ask me “Do you want me to keep on going” all I said was, “You started might as well finish”. He kept on going thinking he didn’t do anything. After it was done, I dressed myself up and ran to the bathroom and cried. For days, I couldn’t sleep well it was traumatizing. Due to trauma and negative emotions linked to sexual abuse, survivors may be at risk for mental health conditions (LLC). While each survivor is unique in their experience, many survivors are impacted in the following ways shame survivors thinking they are bad, wrong, dirty, or permanently flawed (WCSAP). Emotional Survivors may be very expressive (anger, sadness) disoriented (disbelief, denial), or controlled (distant, calm). These are examples of what happened to me of my assault.

After it was all over these are what had happened, we had texted, and this is completely normal to happen

I said “Yk what you did is called assault? I’m not sure. I don’t think so. I don’t know”

He replied saying “I know… but I just want to make up for everything I did”

I replied back saying “You think I’ll get better just like that? Make up for that?”.

He replied saying “No but of course not I know I did wrong, the worst even. I’m so ashamed of myself”

Him admitting that to me felt good knowing that he felt some remorse but that doesn’t change the fact that he sexually assaulted me. He told me about the times he wished that he wanted someone, but he never had any luck with it. It fits so much with the reasons why men commit sexual violence towards women. What is even more sad about this social injustice issue keeps on happening. These abusers know that there are consequences to these crimes, but they go on doing it either way. If we are being real, it won’t ever change, not unless we try to put an end to it and educate people. The sad fact about it that it happens every day as I am writing this essay.